a dae Of EmotIonal struggle..wat's real love?

hmm.. actualli todae.. was supposed to wake up ealy to go for the gym.. all due to this cold weather i oversleptt.. and it was rining haeavily den din meet up wif sharon lo.. but guess wat i returned to my sleep...and i slept all the way till 2pm.. my gosh think i will be still sleeping if dear din call mi tis afternoon.. cos we supposed to meet up.. haha.. den jump off frm my bed, bath and a slight breakfast.. broom... off to meet him le.. on my way to the mtging i was beaming with hope.. cos long time din see him le ma.. i mean for a cule.. 1 mth 3 week din see.. is realli unusual.. ha.. aniway.. he was late.. cos he was caught in a jam in PIE.. so i waited lo.. wait wait.. den he appear le.. parked his car in my sch den we made our way to borders cos he wanna get a book called battle tech.. haha.. so ya lo... followed him there.. den he get his stuff.. we sat at coffee bean after that.. den xinyi called.. ask mi if wanna go watch ycf.. actualli i was nt in the mood la.. dunno y.. jus feel that sumthing nt right wif mi todae.. summore mon got paper.. haiz.. so ya lo.. end up pass the ticket to alvin and his friend to watch..den on the way back.. dear was actualli trying to played wif mi.. but i was jus nt in the mood.. cos u see.. he was like trying to played with my arm in the public lo.. and it realli hurts.. i was like so de mad.. all the while on bus din tok to him.. i noe he knew it too.. but sumtime his behaviour jus turn mi off.. nt doing the right thing at the right time.. haiz.. den on the bus alot of though went passed mi i was like thinking.. this relationship seems to be going worst and worst.. the feeling for him seeems to have faded.. wonders if that was becos we benn seeing one another less often.. deep inside mi i dun feel like a gf to him.. i m jus like a friend a pilliar he counts on.. i do need security i do need ppl to pamber mi sumtime.. i hate to be a guy to u.. u agree with mi that perhaps we dun realli undertsnad one another.. u find mi weird in thinking.. u dun seem to noe what am i thinking.. but have u ever tried.. i noe sumtime i did nt explain clear to u wat am thinking.. cos u noe i am jus not realli good in expressing my idea.. sumtime.. i jus feel like breaking down.. y things turns out liddat?? i can realli miss ya at sum time.. and totally hack care of u at times.. y? i nt sure too dun ask mi.. haiz.. sumtime i feel that perhaps a separation for a while might do us both good.. i noe u hate to leave mi.. but sumhow.. i jus feel painful and upset when times after times i got to bear wif my packed schedule and disappointment that i can't meet up wif u.. times after time i got to put up a happy, brave front in front of my friend ensuring that our relationship is still surviving well.. i am tired.. though i still love u.. hope that u do consider.. perhaps.. at least salavage sumthing in the end.. sumthing i am even wondering.. if u have mi in ya heart.. friend or mi cum first.. i do admit u need freedom but.. when even i am free to meet up wif u.. it will nt be a committed full dae.. is either u rushing here and there.. after all my daes of waiting all i get is spending max of 2 hrs or 3 hr wif u..? yes u may sae is my fault for waking up late todae.. i admit.. cos i am realli tired.. i m sorry.. but how abt other times.. hmm.. i am jus lost.. jus feel that i m standing at the edge of a cliff.. not noeing where to turn.. hopefully u understand y am i saeing all this.. is nt becos i dun love ya.. but hoping tat sumthing can be done.. if not.. we shall let fate decide.. i am realli tired..